Thanks for sharing so openly, Luke. I spoke with you briefly on Saturday. In my drive home I thought of a book that offers some meditative techniques that are not difficult and I have found helpful in removing the emotional charge from painful memories. It is called Beyond Happiness, finding and fulfilling your deepest desire by Frank Kinslow. Make sure of the Author's name, to select the right Beyond Happiness.
When I think of childhood pain, I am sad that there were few resources that really address pain, and especially not all those years back. My dad had trouble holding jobs, was always short on money, and his shame was great and he didn't know how to face it. Eventually he would explode in rage. When I think of Al and the respect the community held him in, I imagine that admitting such shame would have felt even greater for him.
Thank you Gaylen, for the book recommendation and what you shared with me after the service. I've thought about it ever since. I could see in your face someone who has also come a long way, and found a way to heal. It would be great to know more about your story, if you ever would like to share.
This is beautiful, Luke. I think that your talk at Al's Memorial Service will help to heal more people than we know. Pastor Todd told me that, now that you opened the gate, he looks forward to others perhaps sharing their similar experiences with him or others. One friend who's in my Sunday School class told me that her childhood home experienced similar scenes. Your relating that in the service required great courage, as did John's talk and Todd's response. I'm proud of you, Son.
Love the picture. <3 I thought it was very touching hearing everything your dad had gone through. I was thinking about Maslow's hierarchy of needs when your brother spoke. Being in state of survival for so long could make it hard to feel secure enough to move on and to move up the pyramid. When your nephew spoke, it seemed like your dad found a more relaxed place to show how he cared and it was sweet to hear about special times he had. I thought it was really brave to hold your heart out there and share your beliefs and your story. It felt very hopeful too seeing the many realities of a complicated life held out for others. The moments where your dad showed up for others felt even deeper thinking about the big picture from lots of angles. I respect your dad and your family a lot. It's also hopeful to think about how each of your family will keep growing forward. <3 Keep going.
Thank you for being there, knowing you would be there made it easier share. I wondered what you were thinking about given what you told me. My story is not nearly as dark as some others, especially since my dad was able to support me in some important ways and did find growth. I hope we get a chance to talk again.
I was thinking humans are complicated. Obviously my life was directly impacted by Focus on the Family (my husband especially was impacted by it). So many friends were stuck in bad situations. Children are powerless. It's really sad for me to think about youth group and mission trips and all these things as an adult and know that some of the people around me were being directly impacted by the harsh violence of James Dobson. Friends were getting the crap beat out of them. They were not being fed. We can see similar mentality in Mormon churchs... and extreme case being Ruby Franke (but the push for perfection and harsh punishment is in most things Mormons do). I think there is a desire to bury things under the rug and a guilt of not wanting to cause a problem and hurt others by speaking out. And that can be complicated as well. It's sad to think about the detriment those teachings had on thousands and thousands of families around the US. There are a lot of children who do not speak to their parents at all. At the same time, I can extend some grace to parents because they were doing what they thought needed to be done to protect their kids and try to make them be "good." It's very messy.
Thanks for sharing so openly, Luke. I spoke with you briefly on Saturday. In my drive home I thought of a book that offers some meditative techniques that are not difficult and I have found helpful in removing the emotional charge from painful memories. It is called Beyond Happiness, finding and fulfilling your deepest desire by Frank Kinslow. Make sure of the Author's name, to select the right Beyond Happiness.
When I think of childhood pain, I am sad that there were few resources that really address pain, and especially not all those years back. My dad had trouble holding jobs, was always short on money, and his shame was great and he didn't know how to face it. Eventually he would explode in rage. When I think of Al and the respect the community held him in, I imagine that admitting such shame would have felt even greater for him.
I am happy that you are on the path of healing.
Thank you Gaylen, for the book recommendation and what you shared with me after the service. I've thought about it ever since. I could see in your face someone who has also come a long way, and found a way to heal. It would be great to know more about your story, if you ever would like to share.
This is beautiful, Luke. I think that your talk at Al's Memorial Service will help to heal more people than we know. Pastor Todd told me that, now that you opened the gate, he looks forward to others perhaps sharing their similar experiences with him or others. One friend who's in my Sunday School class told me that her childhood home experienced similar scenes. Your relating that in the service required great courage, as did John's talk and Todd's response. I'm proud of you, Son.
Love the picture. <3 I thought it was very touching hearing everything your dad had gone through. I was thinking about Maslow's hierarchy of needs when your brother spoke. Being in state of survival for so long could make it hard to feel secure enough to move on and to move up the pyramid. When your nephew spoke, it seemed like your dad found a more relaxed place to show how he cared and it was sweet to hear about special times he had. I thought it was really brave to hold your heart out there and share your beliefs and your story. It felt very hopeful too seeing the many realities of a complicated life held out for others. The moments where your dad showed up for others felt even deeper thinking about the big picture from lots of angles. I respect your dad and your family a lot. It's also hopeful to think about how each of your family will keep growing forward. <3 Keep going.
Thank you for being there, knowing you would be there made it easier share. I wondered what you were thinking about given what you told me. My story is not nearly as dark as some others, especially since my dad was able to support me in some important ways and did find growth. I hope we get a chance to talk again.
I was thinking humans are complicated. Obviously my life was directly impacted by Focus on the Family (my husband especially was impacted by it). So many friends were stuck in bad situations. Children are powerless. It's really sad for me to think about youth group and mission trips and all these things as an adult and know that some of the people around me were being directly impacted by the harsh violence of James Dobson. Friends were getting the crap beat out of them. They were not being fed. We can see similar mentality in Mormon churchs... and extreme case being Ruby Franke (but the push for perfection and harsh punishment is in most things Mormons do). I think there is a desire to bury things under the rug and a guilt of not wanting to cause a problem and hurt others by speaking out. And that can be complicated as well. It's sad to think about the detriment those teachings had on thousands and thousands of families around the US. There are a lot of children who do not speak to their parents at all. At the same time, I can extend some grace to parents because they were doing what they thought needed to be done to protect their kids and try to make them be "good." It's very messy.