The Goat Spirit

It seems like I've been hoarding dignity long enough, time for another post about my dating life. Actually, I went on a nice date.

It is several weeks ago. It has been quite some time since I got a Hinge notification. I can't remember the last thing I added to my profile, it is possible I sabotaged it again. Or maybe the Hinge algorithm figured out that it is never going to wring a dime from me and I’ve been allocated to a low-priority bucket.

It is none of the above, the problem is that Hinge isn't on my phone anymore, I must have gotten rid of it in a fit of good sense. Glad to be on the other side of that, I reinstall it. I edit my dating profile, I upload a couple new pictures now that I have a beard. I also mention my dating blog and give the address. That's guerrilla marketing, although I'm not sure in what direction. No problem, we'll figure it out.

The first connection I get is from someone who tells me they are also HNTDOC. I'm not sure of this abbreviation. I google it, no luck. I confess that I don't know, and it turns out she is referring to my blog, How Not to Date: On Colfax. It is the very first time I don't recognize an internet abbreviation and it is my own thing.

Someone read my blog and they still want to talk. I'm not sure how to handle this positive turn of events and I go to bed. We talk for a few days and trade some songs, good stuff too. Then, one day, she's just not in my connections.

I add prefers goodbyes to ghosting to my green flags. There’s no time to dwell on it because I am talking to someone else. Strangely enough, it is someone that I reached out to first. For some reason, these never seem to connect. One theory is that Hinge hates me. Or, bear with me, maybe my type is someone that is smarter about finding me than I am about finding her. But this time is different. I comment on a picture of her proudly standing next to pumpkins, and she messages me back.

It turns out, her animal spirit is the goat, but she isn't sure why. Hoping to be helpful, I ask her if she has a strong energy for standing on top of things. She says that she does, but I am a little disappointed to find out she means mostly figuratively and perhaps not literally.

It turns out, she is a PhD student and she goes to my old campus. We talk like nerds. I tell her about my days as a PhD student and how glad I was to survive it. She says she is confused, do I have a PhD after all? No, I survived it literally, as in I am still breathing, but perhaps not figuratively. But I tell her about what I do now and we have lots to talk about.

We talk over several days. I tell her about an article I am writing. She tells me about a research poster she is postering. She tells me the conference is in a couple days and there is a $250 prize for the best poster. That morning I remember to wish her luck and tell her that I think she is going to win. It turns out that she is a Fulbright scholar and she is very confident, so it felt like a safe bet. She messages me later and tells me that she did, in fact, win, and thanks me for manifesting it for her.

We talk on hinge for a couple weeks, and I ask if she would like to meet me for a cup of coffee. She tells me she is busy this weekend but we make plans for next weekend.

On the morning we are going to meet, she asks me if I'm still up for it, and I am. I am excited, actually. I even made sure my hair looked okay from more angles than just the front. She tells me that she is going to be across the street at a protest. She tells me Biden is going to be on campus. It turns out she meant Jill Biden, but I am very impressed. I ask her where the protest is. It wouldn't even be my first Hinge date where we met at a protest. But she says that she is just leaving and she will meet me at the coffee shop.

I wait inside the cozy café. It is spring and there are blossoms and buds on the trees but this morning it is snowing like crazy, big wet flakes that are coming down so beautifully. She comes through the door and we hug and say hellos. She compliments my coat and she doesn’t know this but she just won me over in a big way, because it is my favorite coat. We order coffee and she teases me for ordering the same thing as her (busted).

She has an accent and I ask her where she is from. She is surprised that we haven't talked about that, she tells me that it is usually a part of her screening that I must have missed. I awkwardly feel bad for flying under the radar on that, I suppose. But she is from a country in North Africa and she tells me all about it. We talk for quite some time, sitting in front of a big cozy fire. She has her feet up to the fire because her footwear choice is meant for the springtime weather we are currently not having and she was just standing outside, yelling at the first lady.¹

We talk about so much. We both hit the nieces/nephews jackpot. We share pics. We talk about how strange it is sometimes, navigating a relationship with a sibling. We talk about our love life. I tell her that I am divorced, she tells me she hasn’t been married. She tells me about an amazing friend she has whose name also happens to be the name of the country where he is from. She tells me about her last relationship and the struggle she faces now that they decided to be friends.

She tells me about the political causes that she is passionate about and she asks about mine and this might be another screening, but I suppose that is what this time is for, partly. We have a lot to relate about and we both feel strongly about the wars.

She tells me that she does goat yoga. I ask her if goat yoga is like yoga, but with goats. She says yes, exactly that. She says the goats climb on top of you while you are doing poses and it might be her favorite thing in the world. She tells me about life as a PhD student, her feet still up toward the fireplace in a way that I find very cute. She tells me about how frustrating it is sometimes to live here but also all the things she loves about living here.

We have talked for 3 hours without getting distracted, even though we figured out that there is a wedding happening in the same building, there is a bride and a groom and every once in a while, well dressed people walk by. She can smell the food, it turns out she has an amazing ability to smell food. But the day is growing longer and we both have other plans coming up soon. We hug and say goodbye.

We exchange more messages. We talk about meeting again. But sometimes I won't hear from her for several days and she apologizes and says that she hasn't forgotten about me, life is just very busy. This goes on for a little while.

I realize I never heard her name and it isn't one that I had heard before. I ask ChatGPT how it is pronounced and run the results by her. She is impressed because ChatGPT got it right. She apologizes for being so out of touch.

She won't be very available for the next couple of weeks. She says she will try to squeeze me in sometime for another coffee. I'm starting to get the sense that we are looking for something different. I’m looking for someone more available and more interested, and she understands. She thanks me for being direct, and I thank her the good talk by the big cozy fire. We wish each other luck and say goodbye.

1. I happen to really like Jill Biden but I understood the principle of it.